Sometimes you have to remind yourself of who you are.
This morning I was sat in my god damn PJs waiting for my fave jeans of the moment to dry. I felt awful. Not myself, fat, sluggish, and just had no zing. I was putting of a catch up call with someone important, a call I should have probably made yesterday.
The problem with mental illness, is sometimes it gets in the way and convinces you that your voice isn’t worth hearing. When in actual fact it’s the most important voice in the room at that time. It scares you to speak out with what you actually want to say and it can stop you.
All of a sudden, I surprised myself by getting my arse in gear and arranging a time for the call. I’m not sure where the energy came from but it did and the call was fixed within the next 30 mins. Initially I was just going to stay in PJs (something I rarely do), I mean it was only a phone call right?!
Wrong! It wasn’t only a phone call. It was THE phone call that would clear some stuff up, a call that I’ve actually been dying to get out of the way. A call I’ve possibly avoided because I didn’t want to put my issues on to anyone else, but it needed to happen. It has been an inner conflict and argument I’ve had on repeat in my head.
I got dressed put on my war paint, including my bright red I-rule-the-world lipstick and I was ready for THE call. And I’m pleased to share, I managed to say everything I needed to in a professional and honest way; and hopefully saving face for both myself and the other participant. Fuck you bpd – I win!
I’m going to wear my red I-rule-the-world lipstick more often. It’s amazing what having your zing can do. If you get your zing from a lipstick or a Pinterest motivational quote search; use it to your advantage- who cares where you find it. Get a healthy vice that gives you a little confidence booster and use it like you would fuel in your car.
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of who we are.
I’m Lotty Dawson; and FYI, I’m building an empire.