I’m still in limbo. Issues are still floating around and it’s driving me more mental that I already am.
I’m holding together each of my seams while juggling normal family life. I’m scared of a break down. Racing thoughts are being muffled and my chest feels like my heart is going to rip itself out.
This feeling is bleak.
Maybe the bitch will bite, because the sweet quiet girl isn’t getting results. Maybe it’s time to let the bitch out. The bitch gets results.
The anxiousness is making my chest heavy. I’m concentrating on more than one thing at once, so this post will probably make no sense.
I’m tired of not having what I want all the time. I see everyone around me building a life, and I can’t help but be envious of old school friends that have a huge perfectly new house or a fancy Merc. They go on all the luxury holidays, get married we’re talking like £20k weddings. And we’re struggling to continue saving for a house because I’m going through redundancy after being on maternity leave. And every time I get somewhere in my career, I’m knocked straight back on my arse. I can’t help but think “why me?” And “what the fuck did I do?”. I’m thankful for what I have, immensely so and I’d never change man, or baby but what the hell is wrong with wanting it all?
My heads a mess again tonight. I don’t like losing control, and the bitch make a me do that.
In other news; Delilah crawled forwards today rather than backwards. That’s a huge win for my little miss.
Back to the mental mess, I’ll figure it out I’m sure.