In Hiding

I hid from the world today.

Anti-social side came out and I actually avoided going out doors. Uncharacteristic at the moment as I go out every day. I am, for sure, on a down day.

I’ve changed up my workouts which was an undoutable win. I was shuffling about on YouTube and found some amazing yoga and HITT workouts that made me sparkle (I don’t sweat, I sparkle). I’ll be picking this up again tomorrow as I really enjoyed it.

However, yoga sequences are kinda difficult when you’ve a child climbing on you. Having to watch a Yoga tutorial from downward facing dog with your media player up high so the baby can’t grab, then having to fend her off when your doing a warrior pose – believe me it’s a workout within a workout. I’m aching regardless, means it’s working though right!

Strange fact of the day, turmeric in porridge (almond Milk, not cow’s) mixed with a little cinnamon and soya yogurt actually tastes half decent. I’m not talking tons of the stuff, just a 1/4 teaspoon in 1/2 cup of oats. Pretty good, and yellow as aposed to any form of pink or purple porridge makes a refreshing change. Turmeric is a fab antioxidant and has anti-inflammatory properties too, so great to add in to your diet. Who doesn’t love an antioxidant.

I’m going to work on my mood, I really don’t relish the thought of being down.

Xoxo, L

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Success!

This morning was a boost. Those who know man and I, know our daughters namesake is the song ‘hey there Delilah’ by The Plain White T’s. I always hash tag #heytheredelilah on photos of her and today ThePlain White T’s commented and followed me on insta!! I’m so freaking happy. So much love

Meeting success!

I managed to get in all my questions and queries asked. It did help that the lady I met with was a true pro. A woman after my own heart. Organised, taking notes, friendly, listened and spoke (it’s normally one or the other). She was lovely. It was a pleasure to meet with someone so professional. I even managed to get into my work trousers (pre-preggers trousers) for my meeting. I felt great.

Man took an impromptu couple of days off, which worked out great too as he could take care of Dela when I was at my meeting. Dela had a few hours with daddy, visiting her great grandparents on his side of the family.

It’s the first time man has been alone with baby sincd September last year, and she was about 6 weeks old when that happened and as you can imagine she has developed since. So now 9 months (ish) old and first daddy daughter day. I packed her snacks and milk, knowing they’d be out over snack time and most likely over lunch because there is no regard for time and daddy is on his own watch (and only his watch).

I could lie and tell you I wasn’t nervous, but the fact of the matter was I was shitting bricks. Not because Dela would be alone with daddy, but because great grandparents like to feed great grandchildren shit, because they can be very ‘in face’ (I know because my grandparents are very much like this), because I have no control over what happens when my daughter is not in my care.

Relinquishing control is hard. I am a self confessed control freak. Despite my laid back appearance (and approach with certain things) I am 100% in control. I don’t like to rely on anyone else, and if I want something done I would rather do it myself than ask someone else. This could be seen as independence, which is something I’ve always been proud of and I suppose in a way I’m proud to be a control freak too.

I’m going to work on taking away any negative connotations of the term ‘control freak’ in my mind. That’s my goal for the rest of this week.

Being in control is nothing to frown at especially when we’re talking about your own children, your own life and the situations that you can control. I’m not (I can already hear your cogs turning) saying for one second you can control everything, but for the things you can – I say, steer away!

I digress.

After my meeting, I hot tailed it home to take the dog on a walk. He walked amazingly well for a change, and so did I. I found myself strutting. Dela enjoyed her morning with daddy. She didn’t starve, she wasn’t fed anything sugary and she was okay and full of big smiles when she came home for me.

Made a super healthy version of beef nachos using a wholemeal tortilla baked as my nacho chips. So good. Squeezed in making some healthy snacks, no bake peanut butter bars and oat and date energy balls. HEALTHY! Dela loves the energy balls too and they are literally 3 ingredients and too easy not to make.

It was a good day. In fact I would go as far as to say it was an awesome day.

Xoxo, L.

A Whole Lot Better

Feeling a whole lot better today. Well this afternoon at least. Strangely when the clouds came over and we had a dash of rain, that’s when my mood lifted. Delilah was a moody mare all afternoon, so when she fell asleep on my chest my heart melted and I was back to myself again.

We spent a morning at the park with my mum, Em’s, my godmother and my oldest friend’s son. It was great to see them after so long, they’re over from Canada. The kids played in the park while the adults chased after them. Lunch was nice, the cafe there does really lovely salads. Sticking healthy still, and winning at it. Although mum posted a picture on facebook of me pushing Delilah on a swing and I look like a whale. It was such a bad angle. Please get my good side in future mother! I felt I was doing so well until that picture.

Got a load of washing done, and cleared the kitchen clutter. Metaphorically speaking I guess I cleared some mind clutter too.

My plight with the healthy didn’t stop at a lunch time salad either, Man ordered in. A huge pizza and a milkshake too. I resisted and made a tuna pasta bake for one. Which was made with wholemeal pasta, veg, tuna and all in a simple tomato sauce. It was super filling and tasty. I’ll be making that again. Demon dog licking his doggy lips in the background of my dinner snap.

For now I bid thee good day and farewell till the morrow.

Xoxo, L.

Just a Moment

I took a moment to not write last night. I’ve been drowning in everything. House work, no break from taking care of every one else, feeling inadequate and uncomfortable in the body I have at the moment and just not having time to just breath purely for myself.

I am proud and pleased to say I put everyone before me, but I just needed a moment. A simple, selfish moment when I’m only me. When I’m not mummy or fiancee or daughter or granddaughter or housekeeper or menagerie owner. A silent moment of nothingness. The thing about being an introvert is that I crave a little down time. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my tribe. I love them a million times over and more, and I would do anything for them.

I keep thinking I’ll try get back to running maybe 3 times a week. Get up earlier and just get out and alone for just 30 mins for a run maybe with Demon dog, although he makes running so very difficult. Might start fulfilling my needs as an introvert. It might improve my fuse, because currently the smallest thing sets me off.

It’s certainly worth a shot.

On the upside, this weather is glorious! We’re enjoying it completely, and tomorrow Delilah gets to meet my godmother for the first time and we are very much looking forward to seeing them. We intend to get together at the park, the one with a decent cafe. It means that Ems and Dela and N (my oldests friends son/my godmother’s grandson) can have a play in the sun and we can have a coffee and a chat.

Yesterday Dela and I went to play at Nana’s while the lads were at Airsoft. Dela likes her splashing bowl, and stole my icelolly. Fun was had by all.

I hope you are enjoying the the, And taking care of yourselves. We all need to do that, and I need to practice what I preach.

Xoxo, L.

The Sunshine Blogger Award

sunshine

The Rules

The guidelines for this award are straightforward.

  • Thank the blogger(s) that nominated you in the post and link back to their blog
  • Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you
  • Nominate 8-11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award Logo on your post and/or in your blog

Thank You

My nomination for the sunshine blogger award came from the lovely JBlaides from Wit and Whimsy. I’m beginning to think that we are kindred spirits from across the pond. Her blog resonates with me on so many levels and I really enjoy catching up with her posts a couple of times a week. You must take a look and see what I see. I thank you a thousand times for the nomination JBlaides, it has certainly brought some sunshine to my week. I’m so very pleased to be taking part in an award.

11 Questions I have been asked to answer from Wit and Whimsy

  1. What is your favorite smell?

I’m a writer through and through, so as part of the territory I enjoy reading. I adore the smell of books. I think it’s a shame that a kindle/eReader is using up my time now, and I long for the days gone by of library trips. Bringing home books with tarnished pages, the smells on the printed papers of readers past. This smell is a story in it’s own rights. To me there is nothing nicer than a borrowed old book; to the extent that my favourite old copy of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland is derelict and my second hand copy of Pride and Prejudice is falling apart.

  1. What of your traits do you think define you?

Loyalty. To a fault. I’ve been stung so many times because I’ve taken care of someone who has trusted me. Unfortunately not everyone has the same take on this trait as I do and I am often left betrayed or in a bind because I’m not willing to betray a ‘friend’. I use the term friend here loosely as it’s often co-workers that have stepped all over me. Saying this, I know more than most people think.

  1. In a parallel universe, what do you do for a living?

In a parallel universe I would be a world class guitarist. I play, I have done for years. My nerves always get the better of me and I will not for the life in me play in front of any audience. I took beta-blockers for one performance because I was that beaten. In a parallel universe I would play perfectly, confidently and proudly so that my classical or acoustic sound would resonate the performance arena.

  1. What makes you feel most confident?

Looking good. I adore fashion, and if my bank account let me my wardrobe would be as big as my current residence. I feel good when I think I look good which is the biggest confidence booster for me. Each pound I loose is making me feel better. I hope to get my confidence back permanently once I’m at my target size/weight.

  1. What is your favorite story?

The Little Mermaid. The true form, not the Disney. Although I do love that version too.

  1. Are you a reader or a viewer?

Reader for sure. However, I do rather like a good comparison. I completed my dissertation on a multimodal analysis of a book and film, so I am a sucker for both really.

  1. What is your biggest bucket list item?

The biggest thing on my bucket list right this moment is to own our own home. We are so close to buying, not too far to go.

  1. What is your least favorite taste?

Anything ultra fatty. Pork belly being one of them. Shuddering just thinking about it.

  1. What is the happiest moment of 2018 thus far for you?

Dela standing up on her own for sure.

  1. What is your favorite holiday and why?

New York City. I’ve visited twice and loved it. I adore the place, my heart feels like it belongs there or did belong there. I’d visiting a hundred times if I could, because people watching with a coffee in central park is the sweetest past time ever.

  1. Do people change or just circumstances?

A little bit of both I guess. I’m a firm believer that an experience changes a person. We are, in my opinion, constantly growing as individuals. We learn from mistakes, we alter our behaviours to change our fortunes. I think that if people change, circumstances are influenced. I also think that if circumstances change, a person is influenced.

 

My Nominations

  1. Fashion and Style Police

2.  Mama’s Yoga Vibes

3. Lala’s Journey

4. Caitlan Does

5. Brutal Honesty Blogger

6. The Yorkshire Fit Gal

7. Charlotte Hoather Blog

8. Beckies Mental Mess Blog

 

11 Questions for my nominees

  1. What is your preferred side of the bed?
  2. What is your all-time favourite song? And why?
  3. If you had to choose an actor/actress to play you in a movie of your life, who would it be?
  4. You’re going on a road trip; you can only take 3 necessary items. What would they be?
  5. Do you dunk cookies/biscuits in your tea/ coffee?
  6. Morbid one, sorry!! If you had to choose fire or ice at the end of your days, which one would you prefer to go by?
  7. You are getting married – What flavour cake do you choose?
  8. Beer or cider?
  9. What draws you attention from a potential suitor? Eyes, Smile, bum or something different?
  10. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
  11. Comedy or romance films?

Pen Pals

Once long long a go, I had a pen pal. I’m not sure what made me think of my pen pal this afternoon, but I’ve found myself replaying old memories and she popped up.

Her name was Rachel and she lived in Cornwall. Her grandparents rented their beautiful house out ever year for the holiday season and that’s how we met.

The house was a three bedroom detached with a pool, an edible garden and orchard. I’m pretty sure we spent 4 or 5 summers at this beautiful house. The lady (Jean) and her husband (Ray) were always so welcoming. They looked after us, even though that wasn’t part of the holiday rental agreement. They were the kindest couple. Fun loving and gentle, they helped to fill our home from home with sunshine.

I met Rachel and her brother Mark one day while we were swimming in the pool. Rachel and I were a similar age and her brother Mark was a similar age to my brother. We had a love of nail polish in common and that’s all it took for an eight year-old me to develop a new friendship. We spent 2 weeks of the holidays together for a few years before we decide to write each other. We wrote before becoming too busy for one another. The time between letters got longer and eventually we just stopped writing.

The first ever letter I got from my pen pal was written in different coloured ink. It must have taken an age to write, and I was envious of how her writing looked so perfect to me. My handwriting changed all the time, as a child this was slightly annoying. Even now it’s never the same and it depends on my mood as to how it looks. I attribute this to my mental issues, but I like this. I don’t like to always be the same after all.

I miss writing letters. Taking pride and time in cursive script and double checking all my spellings. I must have wrote and re-wrote my letters a dozen times before I finally sealed an envelope and stuck on a stamp. I miss pretty stationery. I miss the pure art of letter writing and what technology doesn’t give us.

I’m open to a pen pal. It would be great to have a go. Read without judgement and write just the same. There is something so personal about a hand written letter. Raw and beautiful. Fancy having a go? Get to my contact page and email me; we could switch addresses and start putting that cursive to good use.

Xoxo, L.

Exhausted

This morning was great. Up early, did a workout ate a banana and a Healthy Mummy smoothie and got picked up for a morning play date with my sweet nieces.

We went to one of our fave spots. Shibden Hall Park. It was a drizzly, over cast morning so it was pretty empty. We grabbed a coffee and got a picture of all the girls together, then headed up to the park to play.

Second workout of the day was pushing Scarlett on the swings. When I say swings I don’t mean conventional. I mean the big heavy net ones that swing and spin in all directions. Have you ever tried stopping one with a child on?! I’ll confirm; they are heavy. Pretty sure that will do for shoulders for a few days.

Stopped for lunch and had a salad to stay healthy. Yes, I’m being really good still… that’s 5 whole days. I better be slim and strong tomorrow!!

Had a phone call too when we were on our way home. We’re no further along in THE issue and I’m about to blow a gasket. How much more will I have to endure? How much longer will my patience last? And with the last question sweet heart, your guess is literally as good as mine.

This afternoon; dog pacing the room as baby had just eaten some snacks as he needed the loo. I open the front door to let him out in the garden. I shit you not, 2 perfectly white and fluffy feathers were just sat there. Right on the door step. Not sure how or why, and I’m always sceptical but this has to be a sign of better things to come. Then Aro (aka, demon dog) ate one. Stuck his wet nose in it, and licked it right up. I put the other in my purse in hope that it will act as some good luck charm. So maybe I’ll play the borderline believer now. The universe is going to take care of it? Maybe?

A white feather symbolises the following in the religion I would associate myself with (paganism):

• Peace

• Purity

• A glimpse or moment of awakening (like seeing number such as 11:11 Or 12:12)

• Trust and faith

• Hope

• Blessings &Connection with the moon

• Protection

• A visit from an angel

Here’s hoping right!?!

White feather blessings to you all.

Xoxo, L