Success!

This morning was a boost. Those who know man and I, know our daughters namesake is the song ‘hey there Delilah’ by The Plain White T’s. I always hash tag #heytheredelilah on photos of her and today ThePlain White T’s commented and followed me on insta!! I’m so freaking happy. So much love

Meeting success!

I managed to get in all my questions and queries asked. It did help that the lady I met with was a true pro. A woman after my own heart. Organised, taking notes, friendly, listened and spoke (it’s normally one or the other). She was lovely. It was a pleasure to meet with someone so professional. I even managed to get into my work trousers (pre-preggers trousers) for my meeting. I felt great.

Man took an impromptu couple of days off, which worked out great too as he could take care of Dela when I was at my meeting. Dela had a few hours with daddy, visiting her great grandparents on his side of the family.

It’s the first time man has been alone with baby sincd September last year, and she was about 6 weeks old when that happened and as you can imagine she has developed since. So now 9 months (ish) old and first daddy daughter day. I packed her snacks and milk, knowing they’d be out over snack time and most likely over lunch because there is no regard for time and daddy is on his own watch (and only his watch).

I could lie and tell you I wasn’t nervous, but the fact of the matter was I was shitting bricks. Not because Dela would be alone with daddy, but because great grandparents like to feed great grandchildren shit, because they can be very ‘in face’ (I know because my grandparents are very much like this), because I have no control over what happens when my daughter is not in my care.

Relinquishing control is hard. I am a self confessed control freak. Despite my laid back appearance (and approach with certain things) I am 100% in control. I don’t like to rely on anyone else, and if I want something done I would rather do it myself than ask someone else. This could be seen as independence, which is something I’ve always been proud of and I suppose in a way I’m proud to be a control freak too.

I’m going to work on taking away any negative connotations of the term ‘control freak’ in my mind. That’s my goal for the rest of this week.

Being in control is nothing to frown at especially when we’re talking about your own children, your own life and the situations that you can control. I’m not (I can already hear your cogs turning) saying for one second you can control everything, but for the things you can – I say, steer away!

I digress.

After my meeting, I hot tailed it home to take the dog on a walk. He walked amazingly well for a change, and so did I. I found myself strutting. Dela enjoyed her morning with daddy. She didn’t starve, she wasn’t fed anything sugary and she was okay and full of big smiles when she came home for me.

Made a super healthy version of beef nachos using a wholemeal tortilla baked as my nacho chips. So good. Squeezed in making some healthy snacks, no bake peanut butter bars and oat and date energy balls. HEALTHY! Dela loves the energy balls too and they are literally 3 ingredients and too easy not to make.

It was a good day. In fact I would go as far as to say it was an awesome day.

Xoxo, L.

Preparation

I have a meeting tomorrow.

I’m feeling fully prepared because I’ve done my research. I’ve taken up two pages in my bullet journal with questions and what I know to be fact on our meeting agenda. I like to have questions at the ready, because as much as I’m not too bad at written English I’m not always so good at getting all the information I need because I’m forgetful in natural conversation. Note taking is imperative. For both parties, I believe.

I always feel better when others take notes too. It’s just more reassuring, and convinces me that the other party is listening and taking notice.

Man is off work for the rest of the week so we can spend sometime together. Meaning he will be taking care of Delilah while I’m in my meeting. This is the first time he will be taking care of her on his own since the afternoon of a theatre trip back in September. I hope Dela behaves. The last couple of days she’s been whiney, and I’m hoping that because she’s going to get her first tooth. I hope. So for a few hours at least I hope she feels at her usual sunny self.

Hopes aside, I’m excited to see where tomorrow goes. Wish me luck!

Xoxo, L

I’m Lotty Dawson

Sometimes you have to remind yourself of who you are.

This morning I was sat in my god damn PJs waiting for my fave jeans of the moment to dry. I felt awful. Not myself, fat, sluggish, and just had no zing. I was putting of a catch up call with someone important, a call I should have probably made yesterday.

The problem with mental illness, is sometimes it gets in the way and convinces you that your voice isn’t worth hearing. When in actual fact it’s the most important voice in the room at that time. It scares you to speak out with what you actually want to say and it can stop you.

All of a sudden, I surprised myself by getting my arse in gear and arranging a time for the call. I’m not sure where the energy came from but it did and the call was fixed within the next 30 mins. Initially I was just going to stay in PJs (something I rarely do), I mean it was only a phone call right?!

Wrong! It wasn’t only a phone call. It was THE phone call that would clear some stuff up, a call that I’ve actually been dying to get out of the way. A call I’ve possibly avoided because I didn’t want to put my issues on to anyone else, but it needed to happen. It has been an inner conflict and argument I’ve had on repeat in my head.

I got dressed put on my war paint, including my bright red I-rule-the-world lipstick and I was ready for THE call. And I’m pleased to share, I managed to say everything I needed to in a professional and honest way; and hopefully saving face for both myself and the other participant. Fuck you bpd – I win!

I’m going to wear my red I-rule-the-world lipstick more often. It’s amazing what having your zing can do. If you get your zing from a lipstick or a Pinterest motivational quote search; use it to your advantage- who cares where you find it. Get a healthy vice that gives you a little confidence booster and use it like you would fuel in your car.

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of who we are.

I’m Lotty Dawson; and FYI, I’m building an empire.

Xoxo, L.

The Venture

I’ve been dabbling. Dabbling in direct sales. I’m no sales woman, but I’m having a blast. I’ve met some amazing people and continually speak to people I wouldn’t have before. I’m making money by showing off my amazing nails. Jamberry. Ladies it is the way forward. Drinking cosmopolitans, playing Facebook games and watching Sex in the City (for the umpteenth time). Yes, just yes.

So for all interested here’s the website.

Https://jammyfox.jamberry.com/uk

I won’t bore you with my venture any longer. I am not a direct and push sales person I will never be.

In more recent news, the grandparents are officially moving back. Moving back, just down the road moving back. I could mark more difficult time ahead. Although saying this, it will be much better having them down the road when Grandad decides to go on a ‘walk’ so we can find him rather than have Grandma worrying her heart out and then us in turn worrying because we cannot do anything at all. For all the emergencies yet to happen we will be there. It makes you question, who would fill the gap if family isn’t there?

Something to think about for next time.

Love and best,

L xox